What do you want to change about your life?
Is this a loaded question? Sure as heck sounds like one. So let me rephrase it…
What aspect of your life do you want to change?
Better? I think so.
For the sake of today’s focus I am going to use myself and my experiences as an example.
If you have read the about me page – you’ll already know this about me. For those of you that haven’t – here is a quick insight to some of my life.
Growing up all the way through until about two years ago my life was solely focused on negativity. I struggled/struggle with body image, self-harm, anxiety, depression, abusive relationships, a broken engagement, a miscarriage, so on and so forth.
The fact that I have gone through these events and struggle with mental illness is one thing. It is another thing when I let each and every one of these things define me. I became the loner girl that pushed everyone away. The girl that would do all I could to just be alone in my room to sleep – hide – harm – anything that kept me away from the people I loved.
Letting my experiences, my past, define me was one of the worst decisions I could have made for my life…but I wouldn’t change that decision for anything. You see, having made that decision allowed me to be where I am today. It allowed me to see that I had so much growth to do as a person and that I can use this horrible decision to hopefully prevent others from making the same mistake.
The aspect of my life that I decided to change two years ago – and never look back – is to stop letting my past define who I am. To stop living in a world of negativity & decided to live a life full of growth – love – and gratitude.
The decision to change this one aspect has forever changed my life. It has been, and always will be a process. I have failed and may fail again. But that’s ok. It is ok to fail sometimes – because failing is what reminds us that we are human. That we have the strength to pick ourselves back up and try again.
So what does this process look like? In my case it is very involved – and if you’d like to learn more about it please do not hesitate to reach out to me – but for today’s sake I am going to break it down into a few steps.
#1: Make The Decision To Change
This is the first step in the process. Make the decision to change – then make the decision on what aspect of your life you want to change.
Believe it or not, this is the hardest part of the whole process. I mean who wants to admit to themselves that they’re not growing as a person? I sure as hell didn’t. But trust me – once you get yourself to the point where you’ve made this decision, you will never want to look back.
#2: Why Do You Want To Change?
You’ve decided you want to implement a change in a part of your life. How awesome!
But why do you want this change? What is the driving force behind this decision?
For me it was plain and simple. I was in such a dark place that I knew if I didn’t do something to get out of it – I wouldn’t be here today. I love my family and friends too much to leave them behind.
This was the initial driving force behind my decision to change. What’s yours?
#3: Analyze Your Life
I know this step sounds scary, tedious, and everything else not fun. I’ll be honest with you, if you’re thinking this you’re more than right. This is not the most enjoyable step – but it is a NECESSARY step to spark the change.
Take the aspect of your life you’ve decided you want to change. Write this down in big letters at the top of a sheet of paper. Now – write down all the things that have lead you to reach this point in your life. What brought you here? What caused the decisions you’ve made to reach this point?
While doing this step you might become angry – upset – frustrated – etc. This is ok! It is all a part of the process. However, if you notice that these emotions are leading you to not be in the best state of mind – please take a step back. Take a break from writing your list. Bring yourself back to center again before deciding to continue.
Analyzing this aspect of our life is what will truly open our eyes to the changes that we need to make in order to not end up in this place again. Keep this in mind while writing.
#4: Notice Bad Habits and Work To Adjust Them
Do you have any habits that lead you back to making the same decisions?
Read over the list you created and make note of things that are similar. Similar things typically come from similar habits. These habits in our decision making are what have lead us to this point right now.
We need to break these habits – and you’ve already taken the first step in doing so by deciding to make a change!
The way we take charge and rid ourselves of these habits is by changing our mindset and by doing the opposite of what we typically would do.
In my experience, I would always think negatively in EVERY situation that I was in. It could have been an awesome summer day spent with friends – and somehow I would find something to be negative about the whole time. Sometimes I would vocalize this negativity and other times I would just keep it to myself. Either way, this was a habit. My brain was trained to instantly go to the bad instead of seeing the good.
So what did I do?
I forced myself to see the positive in everything. I started off by taking one good thing out of every situation I was in. Sometimes this good thing played on repeat situation after situation – but hey it was a start! Eventually this turned into two good things, then three, then four.
This simple step pushed me way out of my comfort zone – but this is what we need. The practice of breaking habits is meant to be uncomfortable to start. This way we can create new habits that will be even more comforting than the ones before. Making this adjustment is going to open so many internal doors for you.
These Four Steps
I’m sure by now, if you’re still reading, you’re probably thinking to yourself “Holy cow is this involved!”
You’re right, it is.
But it’s involved because its your life we’re talking about.
This process is going to shape and mold your future – but only if you’re all in.
Take the time to really nail down where in your life you want to make a change. You can start small or go big! The decision is all yours. Just remember – when the going gets tough in this process, it will be worth it in the end. It does get easier, and it will eventually become second nature.
We’re retraining the brain here! So take the time you need – go through this at your own pace – and always have an open mind. Want to grow and you will.
For a more involved breakdown of these steps, along with all of the other steps I have implemented into my process – shoot me an email saying “I’m in!” and I’ll work with each and every one of you for FREE to create the process that is right for you!